Background – I’ve been working for current employer for 5 years, my responsibilities have widened and so has the workload which at peak times for the company can be overwhelming. The last 6 months have not gone too well, with the projects I’ve been managing each having issues such as delays, majorly over budget, clients unhappy. This has also been timed with my increasing anxiety levels and depression and general downturn in mental health. At one point I had what was described as a “meltdown” in the open plan office when trying to explain why I hadn’t made progress on a task.
I feel like a failure; I have made mistakes; missed emails and let issues drag on without dealing with them head on. I know my line manager and boss are unhappy with me and have had to step in to finish projects and renegotiate budgets etc on my behalf. Now I’m on furlough and they are stepping in again and a lot of my mistakes have been exposed to the wider team.
I’m seriously considering resigning, the company itself is very disfunctional, there is a blame culture and not the ideal boss who gossips about staff. There also wouldn’t be further progression or promotion within the company. Due to Covid my industry is pretty much standstill so I’m worried if I jump ship there won’t be any vacancies available to move to.
I’m dreading going back; (I’ve been contacted daily whilst in furlough, my response time to these messages has been commented on and the boss even asked to use the down time to research and create strategy documents) I don’t want to work in a toxic pressured environment anymore but I also don’t want to leave a legacy of not being any good at the job.